; and then there were three.....

Oh hell yeah! Three days to go!

I'am happy but I wish I had done more, gained more out of this term. Everything is so chaotic. It's the final lap and here I am, eyeing the finish line. I want this so bad. I have to stay positive! I can do this!!! YEAHH!

A good friend of mine told me recently that the key to doing well is to think positively, believe in what you can do. Set positive goals. Instead of "I must not fail", go for "I must pass/do well". Make sure your goals only contain positive things. Next, you need to BELIEVE IN YOURSELF and that you can achieve whatever you set your mind to...

I know, I have awesome friends. :) Even though I sort of know this, I guess being reminded, explicitly in my face gave me something to hold on to. Something that is no more tangible than what I had previously - yet I am  gripping it tighter then ever.

Let me digress for a little bit... This morning, when I walked into class, I saw these boxes of cereal and cans of Coffee/ Milo lined up neatly on a table against the back of the classroom. Next to that, were 45 cards, one for each classmate, pasted up on the wall. I walked to our neighboring class and found the same thing. The immediate joy and school pride I felt at that moment was indescribable. It was heartening to know there were people in the school who cared about our welfare. These are the little things that you will probably never forget. It brings people joy and somehow gives them hope as well. It's funny because every time my friends asked me what I wanted from our hostel or the market recently, I would say hope. I'm not going to say much more about this, because I realize I am staring to make less and less sense as I go along, So I'll let the pictures do the talking... :)

I'm pretty sure I know who wrote my card, although he totally denies it... Haha! :D




So anyway, Back to what I was trying to say. I have really awesome friends who motivate themselves (and me) along the way. I love my class, there are so many people that inspire me and encourage me to be the best that I can be ( when they don't have/show a personal vendetta against me...HAHA). Back to my good friend mentioned above ( ^ ), She created this new wall paper (all rights reserved to her) But I thought I'd put it here because its just that damn good! I am not going to mention her name because she is a super stalker and will probably find this blog (if she has not already done so .. HEY YOU! Stop reading this! haha!! Why are you such a pro stalker? ) so yeah. Alright then, back to work... THREE MORE DAYZZZZZZZZZZZZ WHOOOOOTS!! ~~


Ta Ta! ~

Failure and disappointment

I have come to a point in the semester where I can no longer deny the facts. I can't ignore the numbers and the odds that very strongly suggest that I will fail my math module. One screw up. That's all it took. The entire module practically pivots on these two exams. Both 35% of the total grade. I just HAD to completely screw it up. Like don't even bother guessing. It's really stupendously horrible and I am not even exaggerating a bit!

Failing this module means boot camp, and sheer embarrassment. Boot camp means that I cannot go for the Chiang Rai trip in Jan. Worse still, Boot camp means I automatically disqualify for the exchange m. Which means a significant part of my life, the chunk used to fill out the application and write the essay was a complete waste. That feels soo bad there are just no words. Then there is that tiny slim ass chance that I might pass. But really, that would only be possible with an early Christmas miracle. DAMNNN

I can't even begin to describe how hopeless and low I feel right now.. Yet there is still a tiny part of me that clings on to that hope of passing. I will do whatever it takes. Damn I really don't want to throw everything away. :(

Frustration.

I don't know why but I am documenting my utter frustration here.

This thing I am applying for, it's an opportunity to go for for an exchange at two very prestigious universities. I guess a good application is one that starts weeding people out right from the start- in that case this is a damn good application.


I'm frustrated because this application couldn't be more time consuming and mentally draining. I'm frustrated because this like all weekends has been highly unproductive and I have accomplished ZILCH by Sunday night. I am frustrated because for my peace of mind ( at least I applied), I am spending So much time on this that I am neglecting all my other work. When the odds of me getting a selected are so low, I might as well not apply. But if I don't, the probability of me getting selected is zero. So to satisfy that "what if" I am spending my time on this.

Ahh this course is really breaking me. But maybe that is the point. To break me and then build me up? I don't knew. I just hope it all works out.

Bye for now.