Failure and disappointment

I have come to a point in the semester where I can no longer deny the facts. I can't ignore the numbers and the odds that very strongly suggest that I will fail my math module. One screw up. That's all it took. The entire module practically pivots on these two exams. Both 35% of the total grade. I just HAD to completely screw it up. Like don't even bother guessing. It's really stupendously horrible and I am not even exaggerating a bit!

Failing this module means boot camp, and sheer embarrassment. Boot camp means that I cannot go for the Chiang Rai trip in Jan. Worse still, Boot camp means I automatically disqualify for the exchange m. Which means a significant part of my life, the chunk used to fill out the application and write the essay was a complete waste. That feels soo bad there are just no words. Then there is that tiny slim ass chance that I might pass. But really, that would only be possible with an early Christmas miracle. DAMNNN

I can't even begin to describe how hopeless and low I feel right now.. Yet there is still a tiny part of me that clings on to that hope of passing. I will do whatever it takes. Damn I really don't want to throw everything away. :(