Letting go and moving on.

I realise I move too fast.  Get too close too fast. Drop my guard and trust that primal good that is humanity too fast. 

While I realize that I want to change one of those things (I really should be more careful ), I am completely content with the rest.  It's who I am.  It's part of my core being and changing that would be tragic to say the least. I've been reading and watching allot of things relating to personal image and perception.  It was one of those internet stumbles that lead me down a path of fresh perspectives and self discovery.  How we view ourselves and our bodies, what we expect in relationships and even sex and sexuality.  It's all part of what we're taught from this patriarchal society that we live i. IT'S ALL A LIE! Its what they want you to think (most of it anyway ). I've decided to draw my own conclusions. I found that there are still some parts of it I agree with. For everything else, I've formed my own opinions and it's made all the difference.

One of those things has to do with worrying less about what I'm not in control of and focussing more on what I can. This includes letting go and moving on.  I realize now that things were so forced and unrealistic back then.  I was forcing it. Pushing and clawing at my very best to mould things into that picture I had in my head. I realize now that it wasn't meant to be. Looking forward I feel like pillar year will put things in their place.  I just need to put my best foot forward and not let the past weigh me down. Don't get me wrong, the memories are great and I'll take them with me. I won't however, carry on in the delusion that this might work out. A clean break is what I need. It is what is best for everyone.  (I had to delete the last few lines of this paragraph. : ( Goodbye words. Goodbye you. )

On a less mellow but equally emotional front, I'm really excited for what is to come. Especially now, when I have something so concrete and so immediate to work towards. I feel like this short term goal, whether I achieve it or not, will definitely propel me in the right direction. Just knowing that, makes me feel so much more excited about the unknown! I just wish I can overcome this inertia and get a move on.  Time is running out as we speak. I need to get my shit together. Just like Mike Ross from suits. Lol. Truth is, I'm feeling great! I just need to act on these feelings and get that momentum going. That rhythmic dance that is life and how us as people intertwine in it.  

I'd like to end off with a message to a very special person. 

You may or nay not ever read this. I may or may not be full of myself. Whatever the case, you are one lucky son of a bitch! ;) <3

I'm off now, till next time:
Stay hungry, stay curious and push on!

Also, love yourself for who you are. Cuz these days ain't coming back! <3