Everything I learnt this past summer.

I Just sent out an email to a very good friend of mine detailing all the things I learnt this past summer. I've decided to post a generic version here, omitting out the detail specific personal things I wrote to her. I'm really doing this to archive these lessons for my own personal reference later on, but if it helps someone else, why not? 

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Now, where were we? Ah yes, I'm going to share things I've learnt over this past summer. These may or may not apply to you. Remember, these are my lessons. I'm just sharing them with you because I feel like maybe there might be a thing or two you could take away from this.  Whether this helps you or not depends entirely on how you take things. 

On that note, I'd like to share my first lesson. These are in no logical order, I'm listing them out as I remember them. I digress. 

As I was saying, first lesson. You are the only person who can help yourself. Think of ‘You can lead a horse to water....’ I know this sounds stupid and really is just a bunch of common sense. But sometimes things like these aren’t completely internalized. What I mean by this is, people can give you advise, people can make you realize you have a problem, YOU can realize you have a problem – but there is a (not so) fine line between realizing you have a problem and having that problem fixed. That fine line, my beloved friend, is DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT! Have a plan, stick to it but don’t be afraid to steer away from it if you find another more compelling rout later. Life is all about change and embracing it. So for you, I would say, go back and read everything you wrote to me, everything that you said was wrong with you.

I want you to now take yourself out of the situation and think as objectively as you possibly can. Check and see whether the problems you listed above are really problems or just a figment of your imagination/ paranoia/ actually a coping mechanism (More on this later)/ is this really a problem or something that’s just – you. Is this something that’s just part of your personality, something that makes you who you are, uniquely you? Remember not every imperfection you have is worth changing, nobody’s perfect. Sometimes our flaws add to our character and changing them just because someone else doesn’t like them is not just stupidity but tragedy. On that note, think about whether this problem is really something YOU feel is a problem and YOU want to change. Not your mom, not your friends not even the guy down the road selling roasted peanuts (no matter how compelling a case he might make). Make sure this is what YOU want – no one else.

I’m hoping you would have streamlined your list by now. You now have the list of things you really want to work on. Now comes the hard part – the work. Form a plan, how do you think will be the best way for you to overcome all this? Read up online, ask friends but ultimately, form your own opinion and plan that works best for you. This involves really being in tune with yourself and most importantly, being honest, objective and realistic. Coming back to the main point, this is all on you, whether you actually do the work and reap the results.

The second thing I learnt was something I’ve mentioned in the first. Be in tune with yourself. This is a never ending journey of self-discovery. You need to make sure that you are completely aware of the things that are going on within your head. Know not only your strengths and weaknesses, but also your insecurities and fears and why you do the things you do. The idea is to be completely honest with yourself so you can progress into becoming the best person that you can be. This includes knowing your coping mechanism and having a support system. Talking to people and sharing your troubles is a perfectly normal coping mechanism so stop worrying about it. Look up the different types of coping mechanisms and try and understand them. Knowing this will not only help you understand yourself better, it will help you connect with other people better as well.

Third lesson, rationalize your fears of failure. Everyone is afraid to fail. But if you can overcome that fear, wouldn’t that just be awesome? The thing is, it’s all about perspective. EVERYTHING is about perspective. You just have to change the way you view failure and your fear will be gone with the wind. Here’s how I see it, you live and you learn. Nothing is truly a waste, because there will always be something that you can learn from any given situation. It’s all about having an open mind, a willingness to learn and improve yourself. It’s all about having a positive attitude that could potentially inspire someone else to change their life. So don’t be afraid to fail, take risks and leaps and soar! Even if you crash and burn, you get right back up and keep moving forward with your newfound wisdom.

The fourth is an extension of the third. Don’t fear your past failures. Embrace them. I know I’m repeating myself but it’s not a waste, you came out stronger and learnt from it. You have what it takes to bounce back and achieve everything you dreamed of and more. Do your best! Remember what is important to you and what your priorities are. Don’t forget them! YOU CAN DO THIS!

The fifth is about being yourself and keeping yourself motivated. As silly as this sounds, give yourself pep talks. All that approval and reassurance you seek from others can come from you as well. Don’t worry about making meaningful relationships, they will happen along the way. Spend QUALITY time with people (e.g. lunch) that matter to you. But remember to focus on your priorities.

The sixth is to speak up for yourself. Be kind to others but don’t let them bulldoze over you.

The seventh is to LISTEN MORE! You’ll learn so much more if you let others speak and really listen to what they’re saying. This also shows them that you care about what they have to say and that they are important to you. The biggest gift you can give someone is your time and ears. When they’re talking, don’t think about what you’re going to say next or go off a tangent in your own thoughts, listen to them, really listen. Stay quiet when they pause because they more often than not have more to say. Ask relevant questions to get them to open up more and really get to know them. IT’S ALL ABOUT THEM, NOT YOU. This is a great example of giving in a relationship. Give them your time and attention. You’ll never know what you can learn from someone. Each person is a goldmine of knowledge and information, you’ll be surprised how much you can learn from the most random people.

Lastly, the eighth lesson. This was from the TED talk by Amy Cuddy. Little tweaks lead to BIG CHANGES. One of them is to power pose every day as she mentioned. Another one is to give yourself pep talks, as I mentioned (I can’t remember where I picked this up from). And when the going gets tough and you feel like you can’t do it/ you don’t belong in a certain place, fake it till you BECOME it! Just keep pushing on and always remember, “This too, shall pass”.

That’s almost everything I learnt this past summer. At this point, this is all I can remember. We've all got a long way to go and lots more to learn. Hopefully we’ll continue to grow and become the best that we can be. Sharing our life and our love with the people we can connect with, the people that matter to us. <3

I'm feeling much better this week. I'm actually FEELING this week. No longer numb and I'm so glad. Now I just need to move on with my life and get that momentum going. I feel really tired, need to freshen up and get some work done. One day at a time. I'm off now, till the next time;

Stay hungry, stay curious and push on!!!