I'm just afraid I'll come out of this a shell of who I used to be. Hollow. Empty. When you imprison yourself, whatever the circumstances, you bind the wings of your spirit and lock it up in a cage. Leaving it only to writhe and wriggle on the cold hard floor. How can you remember what you’re fighting for? How can you remember WHOM you’re fighting for? And when you forget – you spiral. You might as well drink yourself to oblivion (of course not). How is this any different from before? Except now there is a greater sense of peace in the mind. Don’t get too comfortable for this is a hole. And a very dark one at that. Sigh. That’s all you can do while you wait for the time to pass.
It’s funny. People generally don’t put themselves in your shoes until and unless fate brings them to the exact same position. That’s not empathy. It’s a selfish acknowledgment of how you’re feeling right now. You shift your perspective. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. After all, this is a prisoner’s paradise. You’re so much better off then them - pretend that makes you feel any better.
Suddenly, randomly, you’ll get a jolt of inspiration or motivation. You marvel in it for the few seconds that it lasts. Then you open your eyes and you’re back where you started.
But it’s not all bad. Nope, it never is. Those two hours we spent chatting up a storm left me full of so many wonderful feelings. A rare occurrence and I ate it up. I’ve said it before, I’ll take what I’ve got and run with it. I did not even realise how much time had passed. I simply lost myself in those words we threw out onto the table. Those tales and all those memories; all those points we were trying to make. The riveting discussion that quickly morphed into a friendly banter. Days later I was still thinking about it. And when I finally contacted you, your reply was so far from that previous day. There were no hard feelings and we parted ways. Strangers came and as strangers we left each other.
In the short duration you were with me, I never realised how important you were to me. I mean how could I have possibly known. We never stop to evaluate how we feel when we’re feeling something. Not until it’s fleeing and we try to cling on to it with our lives. Still, I have to commend you on your timing. Just when an iota of doubt creeped into my mind about you or how you may or may not feel, you come out of nowhere and drop a line or two. Given my fears and doubts stem from my own history with humanity and my own insecurities, I just… really like your timing. :)
This day and age is perfect for getting lost. Both in the good and bad sense, but it’s never been more accessible – the path to getting lost. Some might say this land of the lost has become the modern day Rome – where all roads seem to lead to. That is partly why I fear that I might turn into a monster. When I come out on the other side of this, I become so removed and distant, I start foaming in my mouth when someone tries to talk to me. I fear loosing everything that I hold dear to me. Then a voice inside me laughs mockingly. As if I have anything else to loose. I do. At this point I’m still me. Albeit a ghost, hovering and observing silently from above. I don’t want to loose who I am. And so I will hold on to it until the sun rises and the clouds clear. Help me.
It’s funny. People generally don’t put themselves in your shoes until and unless fate brings them to the exact same position. That’s not empathy. It’s a selfish acknowledgment of how you’re feeling right now. You shift your perspective. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. After all, this is a prisoner’s paradise. You’re so much better off then them - pretend that makes you feel any better.
Suddenly, randomly, you’ll get a jolt of inspiration or motivation. You marvel in it for the few seconds that it lasts. Then you open your eyes and you’re back where you started.
But it’s not all bad. Nope, it never is. Those two hours we spent chatting up a storm left me full of so many wonderful feelings. A rare occurrence and I ate it up. I’ve said it before, I’ll take what I’ve got and run with it. I did not even realise how much time had passed. I simply lost myself in those words we threw out onto the table. Those tales and all those memories; all those points we were trying to make. The riveting discussion that quickly morphed into a friendly banter. Days later I was still thinking about it. And when I finally contacted you, your reply was so far from that previous day. There were no hard feelings and we parted ways. Strangers came and as strangers we left each other.
In the short duration you were with me, I never realised how important you were to me. I mean how could I have possibly known. We never stop to evaluate how we feel when we’re feeling something. Not until it’s fleeing and we try to cling on to it with our lives. Still, I have to commend you on your timing. Just when an iota of doubt creeped into my mind about you or how you may or may not feel, you come out of nowhere and drop a line or two. Given my fears and doubts stem from my own history with humanity and my own insecurities, I just… really like your timing. :)
This day and age is perfect for getting lost. Both in the good and bad sense, but it’s never been more accessible – the path to getting lost. Some might say this land of the lost has become the modern day Rome – where all roads seem to lead to. That is partly why I fear that I might turn into a monster. When I come out on the other side of this, I become so removed and distant, I start foaming in my mouth when someone tries to talk to me. I fear loosing everything that I hold dear to me. Then a voice inside me laughs mockingly. As if I have anything else to loose. I do. At this point I’m still me. Albeit a ghost, hovering and observing silently from above. I don’t want to loose who I am. And so I will hold on to it until the sun rises and the clouds clear. Help me.
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