; and then there were three.....

Oh hell yeah! Three days to go!

I'am happy but I wish I had done more, gained more out of this term. Everything is so chaotic. It's the final lap and here I am, eyeing the finish line. I want this so bad. I have to stay positive! I can do this!!! YEAHH!

A good friend of mine told me recently that the key to doing well is to think positively, believe in what you can do. Set positive goals. Instead of "I must not fail", go for "I must pass/do well". Make sure your goals only contain positive things. Next, you need to BELIEVE IN YOURSELF and that you can achieve whatever you set your mind to...

I know, I have awesome friends. :) Even though I sort of know this, I guess being reminded, explicitly in my face gave me something to hold on to. Something that is no more tangible than what I had previously - yet I am  gripping it tighter then ever.

Let me digress for a little bit... This morning, when I walked into class, I saw these boxes of cereal and cans of Coffee/ Milo lined up neatly on a table against the back of the classroom. Next to that, were 45 cards, one for each classmate, pasted up on the wall. I walked to our neighboring class and found the same thing. The immediate joy and school pride I felt at that moment was indescribable. It was heartening to know there were people in the school who cared about our welfare. These are the little things that you will probably never forget. It brings people joy and somehow gives them hope as well. It's funny because every time my friends asked me what I wanted from our hostel or the market recently, I would say hope. I'm not going to say much more about this, because I realize I am staring to make less and less sense as I go along, So I'll let the pictures do the talking... :)

I'm pretty sure I know who wrote my card, although he totally denies it... Haha! :D




So anyway, Back to what I was trying to say. I have really awesome friends who motivate themselves (and me) along the way. I love my class, there are so many people that inspire me and encourage me to be the best that I can be ( when they don't have/show a personal vendetta against me...HAHA). Back to my good friend mentioned above ( ^ ), She created this new wall paper (all rights reserved to her) But I thought I'd put it here because its just that damn good! I am not going to mention her name because she is a super stalker and will probably find this blog (if she has not already done so .. HEY YOU! Stop reading this! haha!! Why are you such a pro stalker? ) so yeah. Alright then, back to work... THREE MORE DAYZZZZZZZZZZZZ WHOOOOOTS!! ~~


Ta Ta! ~

Failure and disappointment

I have come to a point in the semester where I can no longer deny the facts. I can't ignore the numbers and the odds that very strongly suggest that I will fail my math module. One screw up. That's all it took. The entire module practically pivots on these two exams. Both 35% of the total grade. I just HAD to completely screw it up. Like don't even bother guessing. It's really stupendously horrible and I am not even exaggerating a bit!

Failing this module means boot camp, and sheer embarrassment. Boot camp means that I cannot go for the Chiang Rai trip in Jan. Worse still, Boot camp means I automatically disqualify for the exchange m. Which means a significant part of my life, the chunk used to fill out the application and write the essay was a complete waste. That feels soo bad there are just no words. Then there is that tiny slim ass chance that I might pass. But really, that would only be possible with an early Christmas miracle. DAMNNN

I can't even begin to describe how hopeless and low I feel right now.. Yet there is still a tiny part of me that clings on to that hope of passing. I will do whatever it takes. Damn I really don't want to throw everything away. :(

Frustration.

I don't know why but I am documenting my utter frustration here.

This thing I am applying for, it's an opportunity to go for for an exchange at two very prestigious universities. I guess a good application is one that starts weeding people out right from the start- in that case this is a damn good application.


I'm frustrated because this application couldn't be more time consuming and mentally draining. I'm frustrated because this like all weekends has been highly unproductive and I have accomplished ZILCH by Sunday night. I am frustrated because for my peace of mind ( at least I applied), I am spending So much time on this that I am neglecting all my other work. When the odds of me getting a selected are so low, I might as well not apply. But if I don't, the probability of me getting selected is zero. So to satisfy that "what if" I am spending my time on this.

Ahh this course is really breaking me. But maybe that is the point. To break me and then build me up? I don't knew. I just hope it all works out.

Bye for now.

Back to December...

Goodbye November, so much has happened. So much has changed. So many things discovered, so many words left unsaid.

14 more days to liberation ( with anticipation)

19 more days till my fate is revealed.

Things won't always go my way. I guess I'll just have to deal with whatever comes .

Alrighty, I'm off. But load of work to be done. Looking forward to meeting my childhood bestie tomorrow for her birthday!

Till next time,

Quick one, For REALS!

Thailand was AMAZING! Needless to say, I didn't really want to come back. We visited 3 homes including the one we are going to work with in January. Two in Chiang Rai and one in Laos.  It was really humbling to meet those kids, they have so little yet they seem content. It's almost as if Pandora's box was never opened where they live. Chiang Rai is a small town so it's quite slow paced and relaxed. It's sad knowing so many of these kids are exploited by sex traffickers and drug lords. I got to meet many great people both from Thailand and Singapore. We went together with our sponsoring Rotary club and we got a chance to interact with many of their members and their children. They took real good care of us. Some of them would even serve us during meals. Overall it was a blast! 

Fell ill today and that when it occurred to me, I really need to plan for such 'rainy days' more. Spent most of the day sleeping and groaning. It's times like these when you get to know who your real friends are. It feels good to know that you have people you can count on, I feel blessed. =) 

 Looking back on what happened today, I was reminded of the need to keep pushing no matter how hard it gets or how bad you feel. There came a point where I was in so much pain, I kept seeing worst case scenario. 

"I'm going to need surgery." 

"I won't be able to finish the semester." 

But I'm fine now, back to school tomorrow. 

I read this on twitter and I couldn't help but smile. It gave me more hope, more optimism and it's got me looking forward to tomorrow no matter what happens.

"If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it" - @Godstagram 

Anyway, Bye for now!

Up in the skies

Lots of unrelated thing.. Yet somehow they intertwine.

It's not like I wasn't already in hot soup. Now, it's like someone has put that bowl of soup with me in it in an inferno and turned up the heat to a maximum.. The term is reaching its climax. I'm also going on a recce trip to Chiang Rai this week to scout the place for our service project in January next year. A trip I don't even know I will be able to go for. Either way, I'm missing two days of school and I need to finish all my assignments due Thursday/Friday by Wednesday as well as study for a physics test that also falls on Wednesday. Not to mention I also need to submit a journal that documents my design process for another module also due this Friday by Wednesday. Oh joy.

We embark on Thursday morning and my two comrades make the work we have to do (in advance no less) seem like a walk in the park. Then again, they are both esteemed personalities, the cream of the crop from wherever they come from while I, lets just say I got lucky...

I am overwhelmed sometimes by feelings of pride and worthlessness at the same time. When you are surrounded by greatness, you really just want to step up but sometimes you just don't know how. I hate comparing myself to others and I always avoid it at all cost. At least I try to. I guess I just have to be the best that I can be and hope and prey that everything will work out as it should.

It's also really interesting how you start complaining about all the problems in you're life and then something happens and suddenly you're reminded that you're actually living in a very tiny bubble and your problems are actually negligible compared to the rest of the world..
For me that came when I found out that someone I knew was terminally ill. My interactions with this person not only reminded me of the things I mentioned, but I also learnt new things about myself. Maybe it's because I have had so many people pity me, I have learnt not to feel that way towards others. It really can be one of the worst feelings on the planet. You feel pathetic and just utterly disrespected.. I really shouldn't be taking about this here. I have said more then I should have. But it's nice to get it all out there.

Moving forward, I aspire to be the best that I can be, friend, student, person and offspring. Only time will tell how that goes. Haha I still haven't thought of a signature yet. I don't even know why I need one but I really do want one.

Anyway, bye for now

Mixed feelings

Hello world,

I think I mentioned this in the previous post as well, I have mixed feelings as to what is going on with school right now. On one hand, I'm happy they are trying to stretch us and make us grow. On the other hand, I'm disappointed with my performance. Lately I have sat down and really looked at what needs to be done and made a plan, at lead for the next two weeks. Now it's time to stick to that plan and just get shit done!

I've been doing OK so far. The effective use if time could still be improved. It's time to pick up the pace, stick to this plan and for this very moment, GET BACK TO WORK!

I guess I'll see you soon,
Until then, I will hopefully have found my signature ... Well, signature! My parting signature at the end of every post.. See ya!

Keep swimming towards the light

Another quick update. I honestly thought I would update sooner and that my post would be longer. But being in the state-of-emergency-panicked-crunch-time situation that I am in right now, I'm grateful for every last minute of sleep that I can get...

The sluice gates have opened all the way and work is flooding in from all directions. It seems as though there is no end to this madness. To be honest though, the only thing I am truly unhappy about is how I am performing amongst all this.. To say I have been underperforming is bordering on being an understatement and being highly accurate. The good thing is that I realized I was slipping down a slippery slope and well, now I'm trying to apply the breaks and climb back up. Like I said, I'm not complaining, I brought this upon myself, that's what you get when you let things snowball. I have been analyzing my work habits and trying to optimize my time. The sad thing though, is that for some reason, time management does not come easy to me. In fact, if it wasn't for my friends who kept helping and pushing me, I'd probably still be on my decent down that slope we talked about.

It just hurts that at this age, such a basic thing like time management is posing challenges to me. How am I supposed to advance in university, with a program that is designed to stretch me if I can't even manage my time?!

Here I go again, not using my time wisely, I'm supposed to e working right now.. That's why I planned for This to be a quick one though it didn't turn out that way.. So I guess I'm signing off now,

Back to the grind,
Praying for focus and productivity...

Salutations

Hello world,

It's about 4 am right now and I'm supposed to be studying math. Yet, I spent time creating and now posting on this blog. Every time I create a blog, I always ask myself why I do it. All my previous attempts at this have been short lived..

OK this is irritating, I typed out a whole long post and it just all got erased... Not the ideal first post  but blah, It will have to do..Bye for now,