Lately, I just feel disconnected. From everyone and everything. There are a few times when I forget for a while and actually enjoy myself. Then everything just comes crashing back down and it's just so overwhelming sometimes. What's odd is that someone who always laughed has to fake it at first. Someone who rarely ever had damp eyes other then when she watched a sappy movie now bawls out almost every other day.
I just really have no idea where I'm at right now. I just feel so alone and so homeless directionless and useless. I march myself into the toilet, give myself a stern look in the mirror and tell myself to get it together. I take a few deep berths and drink some water from the water cooler. I tell myself to focus on my work and just block everything else out because its just too much to deal with. I do all this only to start tearing in class and here I am writing this.
I need someone to tell me it will be okay. To make me believe again. To make me trust again. I need some one to reach out. Maybe the spark really is gone. Maybe all I really need right now is a light to lead the way. A flame that will share it's warmth with me during this blizzard.
I know I'm being really stupid. I know I'm being negative. I know I new to get my shit together fast or face the consequences. This is hardly the state of mind anyone in the right mind should get be in.
I want to live like I did. I want to YOLO like I did. I want to make other people smile like I did. I want to be me again. It has gotten allot better. There has been ups as downs. Will somebody, anybody get me out of this fucking slump?
Sincerely,
I think I might have to see someone if it gets any worse.
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