What do I stand for? Most nights, I don't know, anymore...

I stood there and watched from a distance as this person completely broke down. Every inch of my body wanted to help. To forget and just offer my hand. But I knew it wasn't the right thing to do. If you help a butterfly break out of its cocoon, it will die because you didn't let it's wings strengthen up enough to fly. Once it is capable of soaring, it will break out without any help and join the other majestic creatures up in the skies.

This act of self control along with various events that took place this week reminded me of what it was like being me. What it was like being positive and hoping for the best. In people and in all situations.

With all of what happened, I decided that I'm so done with the whole negativity thing. I'm done with harboring it. I'm done embracing it. I'm done letting it dictate my life and who I become.

This past month, I found myself constantly bitter and exhausted. Then today I realized I was always so tired because it was exhausting trying to e someone I'm not. I was in such a bad place.

With this new week, I am allowing myself a semi-fresh start. Semi because I still need to pay my dues to the demons I have created and/or had dealings with. I find this amusingly ironic that my life for the past month mirrors Dexter's. I kept blaming things on -lets just call it my dark passenger (haha!). I kept saying it wasn't in my control and that I was driven by the darkness that crept in and burrowed a hole where my heart used to be. I realize now that there was no dark passenger. It was me. All me. I'm not going to blame The situation or my state of mind. I own this and I'm going to move past this. Tonight I bury the hatchet.

I thinks this walk over to the dark side was somewhat necessary (everything happens for a reason). Lets just say that now, I can appreciate the beauty both in the day and the night.

As for the other thing that was lingering, I got my answer. Actually, the lack of one gave me all the information I needed. At least I won't be wondering. Sometimes it's the "what if"s in life that hold you back the most. By eliminating that completely, I am now at peace.

This has been a very unexpected and undesired loop de loop in the roller coaster that is my life and frankly, I'm just glad it's over. I'm excited to see what's happens next.

There is no happy ending to this chapter but at least it's not a sad one.

I can't end this off without saying a few "thank you"s.


I'm grateful for all who came to my aid in these dark days. To be by your side during my time of need was a privilege I will cherish forever. I have an immense amount of love and respect for you, thank you! <3 data-blogger-escaped-br="">
To those who couldn't make it, I understand. To a subset of these people, I would like to thank you for helping out in your own little ways. Some of you don't even know what you did.

To those who had no idea what was happening: thank you for being you! You have no idea how many of you inspire me in so many ways you probably don't even know you could. Thanks for unintentionally lifting my spirits even if it was that little bit just by being you. <3 data-blogger-escaped-br="">
Lastly, and most importantly, to boldly the bolster. My beloved bolster:
Thank you for accompanying me through all those nights, for letting me cling on to you for dear life. For letting me cry into you and just being there by my side. For muffling the sobs so that no one herd them - not even my own roomie.

Alright that's it folks. Show's over. I am eager to begin this new week. I'm off! Till the next time, stay hungry, stay curious and push on!

P.S. Just felt like sharing this video.